Tips for Flying with a Baby

It’s official: my eight-month old has her act together way more than I.

I realized this on our flight to Africa – the world’s second longest commercial flight (really?! Who takes a baby on that?). In the midst of my restless leg syndrome meltdown, I noticed that my baby was the calm, cool, business class flier I was not. I am thoroughly economy grade. While I complained to my much taller, bigger and justifiably more uncomfortable husband that sociopaths must have designed the seating layout, our daughter was the picture of confidence and poise. When I rolled my eyes at the “nervous flier” behind us who screamed during turbulence (and maybe even said “Snakes!” under my breath just to stir the pot, Julia offered a glance of sympathy.

Julia not only met the captain; she charmed the wings off the captain. Air hosts and fellow passengers were on repeat to tell us what a good girl we had with us. Even the frown faced TSA agent stopped me during security to say, “I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re bringing onboard more the maximum allotment of cuteness with her.” Julia gave a coo of endearment, which helped me sneak in an open water bottle (bruhahahaha!).

I planned to blog about tips for flying with a baby. But, having been down to the Southern Hemisphere and back with a wee one, I can only say – hope that you’re lucky. Hope that, through some combination of outstanding genes from way, way back, a really good-natured baby who puts up with the hot mess you throw at her.

If that’s not the case, and you have a completely understandably normal baby whose ears get blocked, whose temper flares and who wants off this godforsaken metal bird as fast as possible – and isn’t shy to tell you – then I suggest whiskey; straight on the gums. For you, not them.

Oh, and earplugs. For you. And maybe the poor sucker sitting next to you in the middle seat.